I’ve always felt separated from other realms of consciousness by the thinnest of veils. This meant as a kid I was labelled “imaginative”, and as a teenager “weird/different/thinks a lot”. Although I was doing my best Jim Morrison impression by pretending (most of the time) to be stoned and quoting Nietzsche and Baudelaire, so I do accept some of the responsibility for that one.
But as I got older I started to think that maybe there was no greater meaning or purpose. Maybe life was pointless. I became numb, disconnected from joy, and started to watch life from the sidelines.